Learn. Laugh. Love.
To the question of life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.
In this photo I am learning from the masters, how to meditate! Who better than my grandchildren to counsel me in living life?
During this past year of being homebound, we have experienced difficulty, pain and every imaginable emotion. No one has escaped.
As things slowly open up, I hope we don’t go back to what was customary. My wish is that we re-emerge enhanced with a resolve to take time for meaningful moments and for the people in our lives.
My goal is to inject more joy and fun into my life and reduce the self-imposed ‘have to’ expectations.
I recently received this message from a national health care institution:
“With unyielding work and care, you have made a profound change in what a patient can expect in their future. Thank you, Laurie for your passionate devotion in helping others keep their hope alive.”
A beautiful reminder of how blessed I am.
I hope the following will resonate with what you are experiencing and provide light, hope and useful advice to bring learning, laughter and love into your life!
Tools I Used in Overcoming My Pancreatic Cancer Prognosis vs COVID-19
1. In overcoming pancreatic cancer, what comes to mind in how you dealt with a deadly pancreatic cancer prognosis and months to live? Are there similarities to this current COVID situation?
I was perfectly healthy with no family history of pancreatic cancer. Shock, disbelief with the question in the forefront, how could this happen? The statistics were grim; I knew this to be a death sentence with so many unanswered questions. At the time in 2006, the 5-year survival rate was 6%.
The same can be attributed to COVID-19; every aspect of this pandemic is unprecedented. Fear, devastating consequences with so many unanswered questions. The fragility of so many losing their lives, loss of jobs and our world as we know it. The isolation & many restrictions that we are dealing with mentally and physically is overwhelming.
2. Initially, what tools did you use to manage the shock and fear?
The first thing I did to overcome the shock was put a plan into action; with a pancreatic cancer prognosis, you do not have the luxury of time. I selected my surgeon, oncologist and assembled my team. That gave me a sense of control, of owning my situation. From the outset, I was determined this disease was not going to “own” me.
I now apply that same strategy in planning my days with a semblance of routine where I have some sense of control. Old habits of structure and routines as we knew them are no longer there, which requires us to think about things and make decisions in a completely different way.
These initial steps, then and now, allow me to manage my fears, emotions and concerns. I allow for flexibility and change. We can’t control the situation, but we can control our emotions and response to what is going on around us.
Mental discipline is a choice in overcoming the world’s toughest cancer. I had no idea the significance of adaptability and what a role this would play. How do you live when everyone is telling you the odds are not in your favor? It is important to adjust our lens to move forward and not allow preconceived ideas or negativity to interfere. Our mindset will help us adjust to a new normal for now, to deal with unwanted changes in healthy and hopeful ways. Your body can stand almost anything. It’s your mind that you have to change!
It is important to believe in yourself, use your voice and trust your instincts.
3. People are asking for help around social isolation, fear and uncertainty. What suggestions do you have to deal with this?
You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have. None of us escape challenges or tragic situations but these challenges are not supposed to paralyze us, rather make us stronger.
Human Connection:
Over this past year, every single social anchor that we would normally use was lost. It is critically important to maintain human connection, which is soul-restoring. Helping others can be an incredibly powerful experience not only in that connection between others but recognizing the value we are delivering. I have experienced that in my outreach with patients. When I hear “because of you Laurie, I did not give up,” this reminds me life has purpose, destiny, connection and humanity. I know this is the reason I have survived; to give back and make a difference.
Part of the structure is to build healthy habits. Here are several examples:
Manage screen time, news and media.
Exercise – take time to go outside, if possible.
Take advantage of online learning opportunities in every sector imaginable. Take a course, browse museums, listen to concerts, catch up on sporting events, challenge an opponent in a game.
Writing makes me feel consoled, enlightened, less alone.
Don’t neglect your self-care.
Get lots of sleep.
Hydrate and pay attention to nutrition.
Take on all of the projects you have been delaying for the ‘right’ time.
Keep a gratitude journal.
Meditate, pray, schedule alone/quiet time for yourself.
Experiment in the kitchen!
Your pets will be especially grateful they get to spend more time with you!
Read books, play games, spend quality time with your family, however that shows up.
Practice acts of kindness – the greatest gift of all.
4. Suggestions for re-entering life for a new normal?
I am fairly independent and don’t like to ask for help. Not out of arrogance rather I don’t want to be a burden or imposition. Throughout my cancer journey, there were so many lessons about vulnerability and the significance of asking for help. This has not changed! Together, we are better.
We are social beings, and our bodies respond when we lack the proximity to others; social connection is something we biologically crave. Many of us are experiencing loneliness and depression, desperately missing what was. We can’t do this alone, and it is important to stay connected. That human connection is soul-restoring and helping others can be an incredibly powerful experience not only in that connection between others but recognizing the value we are delivering.
Take baby steps in re-entering – celebrate the small accomplishments and acknowledge them. Don’t play the ‘what if’ game; managing expectations will help in the disappointment department. I can’t control the situation, but I can control my emotions and reactions to them. Life as we know it will be different; we need to adjust the lens and manage our expectations.
Reflect with gratitude on everything good and positive in your life and the world. It does exist and we must recognize it.
Surround yourself with things that bring you joy – this list is long for me, but a few are the love of flowers and plants – their beauty and aliveness is inspiring.
Exercise boosts our immune system and even a single workout can help to fight off germs, according to the latest research.
Push the pause button when you are overwhelmed. Acknowledge the emotion (fear, stress, pain) and label it which will help you process and manage it.
Rely on your inner strengths. Reflect on a time when you pulled yourself through a crisis and the skills you used. Most of us are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living.
Shift your belief. Focus on the possibility. I believe my life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of what I do with it. Each day I bring attention to the good things I am grateful for, reminding myself of small achievements that might have been overlooked previously. Not always easy but it really does make a difference.
Reaching out, sharing ideas and feelings provides interaction that will keep us feeling connected. This disease does not discriminate - there is no sugar coating the virus – there are devastating consequences for people all over the world.
We can’t lose sight of the many successes and survival stories. We have to believe together; we are better. We must remind ourselves that this too will pass and when it does, we will have changed, hopefully for the better if we learn from our experiences to be more resilient as we face future challenges. And we will.
I believe optimism is not so much about the belief that things will get better. And hope is not necessarily finding a solution or all of the answers. Rather, optimism and hope are reasons to engage in life; find a purpose and embrace living a full life.
Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.
There is no road map for reference to address these challenges. This is fluid with many changes and unanswered questions and can be applied to any situation in life.
This is a chapter in my life, not the whole story.
I would love to hear about a particular challenge you experienced this past year and what was helpful in overcoming it. Comment below.